just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize