My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
