the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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