You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
