PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
