there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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