I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Terrible idea I love it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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