When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
