the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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