I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
