dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
