We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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