i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
