Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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