If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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