My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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