guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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