He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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