Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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