You work out of a Hotel?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
