I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize