We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
