Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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