What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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