im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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