Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
