i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
