I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
