Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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