We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
