so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
