I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize