I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
