when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
