Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
