A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
