On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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