...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
