how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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