The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We are two peas in an std pod
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
