i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
