I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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