I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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