Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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