Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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