Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Randomize
