Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What a dumb baby whore.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize