careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
