So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it was like eating out sand paper
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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