so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
