Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All the doctor said was why
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
