shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
