Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
