I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
