Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Shame - the story of my life.
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