I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Randomize
