Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
