well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
