Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
