I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
