Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
