oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
