alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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