he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
