Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
