Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
