We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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