Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
