Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
